Halo 3 PWND!

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Originally uploaded by Major Nelson

To all the gamers that are here looking at this post because you punched "Halo 3 + spoiler" into Google, welcome to Spoiler Alert.  Since you've managed to release your frozen grip on the controller long enough to find us here, you might as well take a few minutes to look around.

Understand, I've never played Halo 3 and couldn't care less about it. Here's a demonstration of what I do here at Spoiler Alert using your little game as the subject matter:

First, Halo 3 sucks.

Enter your argument here.

Conclusion, it still sucks and you are a loser.

"But," you say, "Halo 3 made $170 million in the first day of release."  Yes, that's a lot of money for you guys to shell out.  Good job keeping overhead low with that ingenious plan of living in your mom's basement forever.  But the real prize in making that much money in one day is:

Ding Ding Ding, Congratulations Halo you've just been greenlit for a major Hollywood production.  No plot: check; One dimensional characters: check; Army of special effects artists and C-list actors: check.  In the proud tradition of games-to-movies everywhere, you are the latest entrant, and instant front runner, in the contest for Worst Film of All Time.

Yes, just what the world has been waiting for: a movie about a Microsoft product.  It just makes me all warm thinking about it, or wait, maybe I just pissed myself. Like all Microsoft products this one too is guaranteed to disappoint, frustrate, complicate, under service, over promise, prosecute, execute and fool every person on the face of the earth.  You may as well just let Bill Gates drag  his ball sack across your face for 90 minutes, an experience you can share with your friends on your Zune.

But don't worry, you won't be sleeping alone outside the theater on opening day.  You'll have the Mac dorks to keep you company while they wait for "iPhone: The Movie" (tm).

Comments

[Yo Yo]

That review PWND!

[ig]

The grandaddy of this genre is being remade. I'll make it difficult for you to guess. You may need a mirror to read this secret backwards answer: NORT

[JP]

Tron was a movie first though. The game was based on the movie which was about a game.